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"My life may be fiction, but it's the only one I got."

--Vinny Vanilla

July 27, 2026

Let's just say that the feedback is mixed and some people don't know the whole story.

--Vinny Vanilla

July 20, 2026

He dropped his stack of note cards on the floor. I noticed on one of them he had written just two words: Vinny dies. Well, if by any chance he's reading this, I'd like to ask him, what's that supposed to mean? Do you mean die, smashed flat by a sixteen wheeler, or die in the geriatric ward? Maybe die and be reincarnated as a flying elephant? Or poof, just dead and gone forever, end of story? Well, I have news for you. I'm a bona-fide literary character, with the same rights as you. What if your fate was simply: the author dies. No finesse, no subtlety, as blunt as that. How would you feel about that?

--Vinny Vanilla

July 14, 2026

All right, if his mind is really set on making a killer virus the hero of the sequel, I'm a realist, I know that sometimes you just have to lump it and move on. But hey, maybe there still could be a role for me. I could be the sidekick. Even the life of a crony to a virus is better than no life at all. Is he listening?

--Vinny Vanilla

July 6, 2026

I've been doing some soul searching and come face to face with the question: who am I to deny someone, anyone, even a virus, the right to be a hero? If he chooses a virus to be the hero of the sequel why should I automatically assume that this is a bad thing? That would be prejudiced. So, just for the sake of argument, let's say he dreams up a computer virus that obliterates our national defenses, unleashes mass mayhem and Ebola, and destroys economies around the world, even such a horrendous force of evil might still contain a spark of goodness somewhere in its heart, a flicker of desire to see the error of its ways. And perhaps, with help and understanding, even a virus might be moved to use its God-given talents to rectify mistakes and, in the end, it might even become a net contributor to society, making the world a better place for everyone. Try and imagine a transcendent virus. I mean, why not? But do you think this is really what the author has in mind?

--Vinny Vanilla

June 28, 2026

So, Mr. Author, I've been thinking about this virus as hero conundrum and I'd like to propose a compromise. I'm perfectly willing to abdicate my role of hero in the sequel if you will refrain from bestowing that badge of honor on a virus. Yes, I'll come right out and say it, I am perfectly willing to do that if only in the spirit of preserving the peace. I seem to recall a great man once asked, "Why can't we all just get along?" Well, that's a very relevant question, and that's all I'm asking. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to preach moral relativism. Heaven forbid we should lose our moral compass. All I'm looking for is a little moral clarity. I mean come on now, a virus? How could you? Hey, are you even listening to me?

--Vinny Vanilla

June 19, 2026

Get this, on one of his note cards he's written the words: virus as antihero. That's really pushing it, but it gets worse. Actually, he crossed that out and wrote in its place: virus as hero! Is that sick or what? Who is the hero of the sequel to my story supposed to be if it's not me? And, if it's not me (and let's get one thing straight, this is my story), then where does this leave me? OK, let's say, just for the heck of it, even if I still am in this crazy story and a virus is the hero, then what does that make me, the villain? And, if I am the villain, and a virus is the (gag) hero, then what in God's name is this so called hero going to do to me? He hasn't even started writing the damned thing yet and I'm sick to death. I'm already infected.

--Vinny Vanilla

June 13, 2006

OK, the guinea pig is gone. Don't ask me where. Besides, it was only a pig. Today is a brand new day; and how do I know what he had in mind? Maybe he just… Don't even go there; and maybe I got it all wrong about the guinea pig anyway. Time to move on. He's been reading a lot of futurist stuff lately, talking about how we're all merging with computers, soon to become computers, one humongous network linking the galaxies, living for eternity as a universal mind; and how all of this is absolutely inevitable and won't that be fantastic. I'm not so sure. I wonder if he's considered just what's living in those computers already: worms, Trojan horses, spyware, self-replicating, self-distributing viruses, quintillions of nano terrorists that aren't even alive. I could tell him about living in a computer day in and day out as a Microsoft Word file, never knowing what horror will get written next, what will happen to me or if there will even be a me at all. What if there's a malfunction and he hasn't backed me up, or if he deletes me in a mad fit of angst? How anyone could want to live in a computer is beyond me.

--Vinny Vanilla

June 10, 2026

Last week, he was rambling on about where he finds inspiration for his characters when he said, "You can learn a lot about people by observing animals." And then, somebody asked him, "How goes the sequel to the novel?" "Well, to be honest, I've been stumped about what to do with Vinny." The next thing I knew he brought home a guinea pig, staring at it hours on end, scribbling on note cards. He wrapped it in duct tape, every inch of it, except the twitching pink nose. He propped a mirror in front of its tiny nostrils and watched it's breath, panting on the glass.

--Vinny Vanilla

June 1, 2026

Thumbs up for me. He has decided. I get to live. There will be a sequel, at least that's the latest plan. Perhaps I should be thankful. After all, it's one thing to be the hero of a novel and quite another to have been a hero. So, am I happy about this? Am I grateful? Should I be? Should I lower my gaze and whisper, oh thank you for continuing to pen me. My every breath is at your command. But, hold on a sec. I mean, what are we looking at here? Surely I'm going to suffer more violence and humiliation. Things are bound to get worse. And just how much worse? Just imagining, I'm a nervous wreck. It's not like I haven't tried talking to him about this. Believe me, I've tried, but he never answers. He just writes. And whatever he writes, that has been my fate. Consider the state of affairs: he has a muse, and perhaps, even a god to look out for him. And me, I have a demented author, and I am his Job.

--Vinny Vanilla

May 28, 2026

I lead a double life: renowned designer of video game heroes and ridiculous character of his writing. So, I ask you, reader, is it fair that Vinny Vanilla, creator of warriors and Presidents should exist as chattel of this not-right-in-the-head writer, holding my breath for hours, days, maybe years, because his vision of my future is eluding him? Is it fair that I live like a donkey on a rope? Slavery? Oh, this is worse than slavery. Sure, a slave's life is tragic, but even a slave can endeavor to hang himself when the opportunity avails itself. Hanging, even a botched hanging, is preferable to this existence where there are no such things as trees and ropes, unless he dreams them up for me. It's all up to him. It's always up to him. Am I complaining? Of course I'm complaining.

--Vinny Vanilla


May 26, 2026

You know when this all got started I thought it was going to be a kind of partnership. He would write his ideas down and I would play the role. High class acting, like Sir Laurence Olivier or Sylvester Stallone, that's the kind of thing I had in mind. Man alive, did I have that wrong. It's obvious that I missed reading the fine print, particularly where it says: whatever he writes is going to happen to me, that's exactly what will happen to me, sentence for sentence, word for word, letter for letter, no more no less. So, when he writes that my girlfriend treats me like I'm an idiot I am required to be an idiot. And when he writes that I'll be sliced and diced and bombed and dragged to the bottom of a river to drown, I had better start downing the Advil early, because there's a lot of pain headed my way. The way I see it, there's really only one way out of this, and that's if somehow I can get him to write that I am a writer. Then, maybe I could write myself a better part. And just what are the odds of that actually happening? I'm in dispair.

--Vinny Vanilla


email me:

(c/o my keeper)

Hey Vinny, what makes you think you're better than a virus?


I'm not even going to comment on that.


As a creature of pure fiction, you're only alive as long as they keep turning pages. If I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath.

--Banana Baby

And how do you think that makes me feel? May I suggest more thoughtfulness before banging out those nasty keystrokes next time?


I think having a virus as the hero of a story is a great idea, and after that you could have a politician.

--Lucrecia Borgia

That's not really fair, comparing a virus to a politician.


The more I read about you, Vinny, the more I think that being a toady to a virus is probabnly all you'd be good for.

--Honking Woman

If you actually knew what it's like just being me, I'm sure you wouldn't have said that.


Man, that Ice sounds tight. I could warm her fridge bigtime. Does she have a blog or somewhere where I can say hey?

--Peter Prowler

You're talking about my sig one. Please show some respect.


Hey man, if you're a hero I'm a bacon and bologna sandwich.

--William Styron Seymour Simpson

I thought about not posting your remark, but then I thought it could serve as a lesson in rudeness.


The world is a serious place, with serious things going on all around us. You turn it all into a travesty.

--Puppy Girl

So, you think I'm not serious? Is that what you really think?


If you had ever known a real hero you wouldn't be talking such dribble.

--Frequent Flyer

I certainly hope this is the last of these hurtful put-downs.


For your information, the great man you quoted saying, "Why can't we all just get along," wasn't so great. He was just some guy who happened to be in the wrong place at the right time, at the dawn of reality television.

--Macho Mano

Well to my mind, his words speak for themselves. So, whatever.


You know, the more I read about you the more pathetic you sound.

--Baby Blue

Please try and show a little respect. Other people are reading this.


Wow, a sequel. I guess that means we'll get to read a lot more of the same thing. I can hardly wait!

--Candy Bar

Thank you, but truth be told, I'm hoping for some improvement in my situation.


Torturing a guinea pig with duct tape is about the sickest thing I've ever heard of.


We shouldn't avert our eyes from the dark side of human nature. I just report what I see around me.


So, about that sequel, don't even waste your time.

--Incredible Fredo

You didn't have to say that.


You might get more sympathy if you didn't spend so much time feeling sorry for yourself.


As for the first feedback on my blog, I had hoped to receive something more positive. I hope other responses are more encouraging.